Watson and Holmes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they went inside their tent, lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?” Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

“Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!”

Perfect Relationship

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.
4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It’s very, very important that these four women don’t know each other.

Customer care in 2020

Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”
>
> Customer: “Heloo, can I order..”
>
> Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?”
>
> Customer: “It’s eh…,
hold……….on……889861356102049998-45-54610″
>
> Operator : “OK… you’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jalan
Kayu.
> Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile
is
> 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”
>
> Customer: “Home! How did you get all my Phone Number’s?
>
> Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”
>
> Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”
>
> Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”
>
> Customer: “How come?”
>
> Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure
> and even higher Cholestrol level Sir”
>
> Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”
>

Speeding Ticket

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver’s door.“Is there a problem Officer?”

The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?”

The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”

“You don’t have one?”

The man responds, “I lost it four times for drink driving.”

The policeman is shocked. “I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

The policeman says, “Why not?”

“I stole this car.”

Signs

A very simplified description of what communication is could be:

Sender -> Message -> ReceiverWhere messages can be sent in any medium (verbal, visual, etc..) to get certain information across.See for yourself

So it really makes me wonder whether people even take 30 seconds to think about what they are doing, when putting up signs like these. Now, I’m sure you all have at one point or another in your life seen signs like these. So please, take a moment with me, and let us honor these idiots and their totally useless (and sometimes hilarious) signs.